Keeping it real, Part II

Blogger’s note: This is the second installment of what will likely be three posts on the subject of being real. It is in response to posts by my friend Kim. Her blog is: Innocent Lamb. Also, there is one reference below which is of a graphic nature. As you read you'll hopefully understand why I included it. Just a heads-up.

Being real - obstacles, challenges and boundaries

To examine some of the reasons why being real is so difficult, I want to pick through the cultural challenges, starting with the broader scope.

The culture as a whole - A strange gumbo of superficiality and reality

In today’s American culture, we see a strange gumbo of superficiality and reality. We get limited glimpses of those we hold up as celebrities, and for some reason, the ones who appear more vain and vapid tend to rise to the top. Yet, there are television shows such as “How to Look Good Naked” and “Celebrity Rehab.”
The first show helps real women feel good about themselves by helping them see the good in what they see in the mirror. This public service can help other women erase years of self-doubt and even pain about what they perceived as a weakness.
The second gives us a glimpse into the world of drug rehabilitation and everything that goes with trying to kick the habit. It lays out all the dysfunction and destructive patterns which lead people down the path of addictive behavior, all the traps which create obstacles for those trying to get clean and gives a clear picture of just how tough but necessary it is.
So in what we see and read in our culture, this strange mixture of sobering reality and gagging superficiality can leave us wondering just where the markers are.
How much truth can and should we stomach – about ourselves, about others – and yet how to do we live so we are genuine human beings who are real and yet are following Christ and attempting to help others do the same?

The culture in the church – “I don’t believe I’d have told that!”

The late, great Southern humorist Lewis Grizzard once told a story about a church leader – possibly conducting a revival – encouraging those in the congregation to “tell it all, brother, tell it all.”
I don’t recall what the first few instances were, but I do remember the third one – Someone confessed to an act of bestiality.
The leader responded, “I don’t believe I’d have told that!”
Of course, I believe that confessing our shortcomings and sin can lead to healing and reconciliation with God and other human beings, but should something as (rightfully) taboo and illegal as bestiality be shared in public? My tendency is to say no, but I do not think that we should hold the attitude of “tell it all,” then be shocked when someone takes us up on it.
We’ve been taught, either directly or indirectly, that putting on a mask and being someone we may not be naturally is the right thing to do – in general public and in the church setting.
Revealing things about ourselves can be troubling, misleading or even off-putting, or it can draw unnecessary attention to ourselves when we should be trying to bring attention to Christ. Yet, there are times when we share something openly, someone else can relate and realize they are not alone. Often, that is where our enemy tries to ensnare us – he makes us think we’re the only ones with a particular problem, so we are beyond help and repair, even beyond the grasp of God. Sharing something openly can also bring healing to ourselves and others.
Generally speaking, I believe that as we grow in fellowship with other believers, we should have safe places and safe people in our lives where no matter what the issue may be, we can safely share a hurt or pain and extend a hand to a friend who’s hurting.
Instances of open, public sharing should be with the leading of the Holy Spirit and, when possible, the support of those close to us.
Is there a hard and fast rule about what to share and when? No, I don’t think so.
But it is my firm belief that the church should be last place where we find judgmental stares, snickers underneath the breath, backbiting and complaining. I speak as one who has participated in my share, and asks the Lord for his forgiveness, but one who believes that if the church is to fulfill its role, it needs learn how to love people where they are, because that’s exactly what Christ did when we first came to know him. How can we treat others any differently?
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 13:34-35.
And we can’t just love those who love us. That’s easy and our natural inclination. We need to learn to move beyond this by his grace.
"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. … But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.” Luke 6:32, 35 (NIV).
I think in scripture there’s no mandate that we make every contact intimate, yet we still need to allow the Holy Spirit to do what he needs to do to touch a life, even one we would not ordinarily want to touch.

Where do we go from here?

As with so many things in life and as a Christian, there is a balance. We must not say or do things which will inflict long-term harm to a person or a relationship. Yet, we must be wise and sensitive to share things to another person and about ourselves to be of benefit to the other person, even if what is said or done isn’t pretty or fun. And we should be willing to be open and truthful with people about ourselves in a way that is pleasing to the Lord and of value to others.