The one who wounds & heals

Today, along with hearing our in-person teaching pastor speak, I read through a few passages in Scripture, starting with Isaiah 61:1 which talks about the Anointed One binding the brokenhearted.
I followed this to Job 5:18: "For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal."
We often think of God's latter quality of healer. We forget the first one, where God pierced his own Son. It's a much less painful thought to approach God as one who never harms. Obviously, the "harm" isn't intended for our destruction but our ultimate best.
Our teaching pastor at our church shared from his heart today. Here's some of what he said:

• In retelling the story of Jacob wrestling the angel, our pastor said: "There's always a limp and there's always a reason."
• "Difficulty is the great instructor."
• "He loves us too much to let us stay the way we are."

There's a running joke around my house about my approach to cleaning, especially when I'm going through stacks of papers or something else which needs to be sorted and organized. I often say: "Sometimes you have to make a bigger mess to clean up something."
I'm learning God will often do something which looks to us like a larger mess, but - honestly - mainly because we're not in control of it.
What is your perspective on the thought God being both wounder and healer?

Why my blood has a strange color

As I've watched what can only be called grudge-match rivalry weekend in college football unfold across the nation, I'm reminded my loyalties are somewhat divided in some respects.
Growing up in Montgomery, Ala., less than an hour's drive to Auburn University, my heart for many years lie on the Plains and I bled orange and blue, as the saying goes.
For those of you not familiar with the intensity of in-state college football rivalries, its safe to say the Auburn-Alabama ranks among the top. Alabama residents who never set foot on either campus are expected to pick a side and cheer for one or the other.
That's intense.
So 20 years ago this month sitting in my apartment in Tuscaloosa, Ala. as a University of Alabama student, I had a decision to make. Moments before kickoff, I decided to root for the Tide, adding a large vat of crimson to the mix.
Five years ago, we moved to the (Mississippi State) Bulldog Nation. I was - and still am - proud of MSU for choosing to hire Sylvester Croom as the first black head football coach in the Southeastern Conference, a decision the University of Alabama - where the Tuscaloosa native played and coached as an assistant - couldn't quite bring itself to make.
MSU beat Alabama twice under Croom and I can't say they didn't earn it and I understand why the 'Dogs yanked Croom after last year's 0-45 embarrassment at the hands of what's been called lately The School Up North (The University of Mississippi, otherwise known as Ole Miss).
So, add some maroon to the blend and you have one confused dude when it comes to Saturdays in the fall, at least for a few games.
Usually it's easy to figure out. I hold a piece of paper from Alabama, so that weighs heavily on most days, but I'm eager to see what the 'Dogs will do as they continue to move forward under Dan Mullen (they rectified last year's debacle with a 41-27 win today). And the rebuilding continues on the Plains under Gene Chizik so that's been interesting to watch.
This is one of the few areas of life where it's OK to get pulled in three different directions, and depending on where Jadyn goes to school (Lord willing and assuming she's able to do so), we might get an even more confusing color pattern in the future.
Until then, Go Roll Eagle!

Going deep

Through the teaching this past week of Chris Beall on Church Online at LifeChurch.tv, I've been challenged about setting aside time to hear God in the quiet.
The task seems simple enough on the surface – Set aside time a few minutes a day to listen to the Lord in an undisturbed setting.
It's more difficult than it sounds.
But it's essential.
When we are trying to find purpose and direction, we expect God to land the answers in our lap so we can get on to the next thing. OK, at least I do. 
When we take a step back and think about this approach, we realize this is absurd. 
As Chris said: "Early mornings, private pain, discipline; that's where people become great." Sometimes, the answers we seek do appear out of the blue. But most of the time, they're forged in blood, sweat and tears. 
As Oswald Chambers asserts, prayer is essentially a process toward getting to know God, so as we seek answers, we need to focus more intently on seeking Him rather than what he has for us.
How are you being challenged to grow deeper in your faith?

Gratitude

For some reason, it's not always easy for me naturally to count my blessings. I tend toward the half-empty view, or at least I used to. So when I step back and force myself out of the negative mindset, I realize I have plenty to be thankful to God for, including:

• I'm alive.
• I'm reasonably good health for a big boy, with the knowledge I need to do something about the "big" part sooner rather than later.
• I have a beautiful, intelligent wife who is more understanding and patient with me than I give her credit for being.
• My gorgeous, bright daughter who I hope I'm doing right by as I raise her.
• Being employed and finding new ways to enjoy my work.
• Learning not to walk in fear - the world isn't going to fall in around me if I do something out of the ordinary, and if it does, I need to trust God to handle the aftermath.
• The dozens of amazing people we've gotten to know through Church Online and Twitter these past 11 months from all over North America and on at least three other continents. It's been amazing journey I hope is nowhere finished, but rather just beginning. These folks have enriched our lives beyond measure and I hope we've done the same for them. Many of them are literally like family to us and I believe God has given them to us as such. (Grant me this temporary relapse in fear - I'm afraid to start listing people and miss anyone.) I also have met a number of fellow Rush fans in various parts of the globe I also consider good friends and I'm grateful to know them as well.
  
• The people we've already known. These include my in-laws, who've gone above and beyond in making up for not having counterparts on my side of the family. Between our Twitter friends, our in-person church folks (past and present) and our online friends, we have a patchwork family which looks like very few others.
• The time I got to spend with my parents and for the good things they did for me. They did more to prepare me and love me than I give them credit for when I slip back into half-empty mode and I look forward to seeing them again someday.
• My relationship with Jesus Christ, which has grown by leaps and bounds since we've been hanging around LifeChurch.tv.
  

With all that said, it's time to get some other things under way today. What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving Day?

Making the point now

Earlier this week, when I dropped off Jadyn at daycare, a young man she fancies (yes at 4) was in the classroom with her waiting to eat breakfast. She was wearing a new jacket and she wanted him to notice. She called him by name and wanted him to see it. I don't think he was paying attention. As I was preparing to walk out the door to go to work, it registered with me - she wanted him to notice and he didn't, at least not that I saw.
I had plenty of time, so I went back in, hugged her from behind and told her: "You're beautiful and I love you."
I can't be there every time she asked someone to notice, but when I can, I want to remind her that her father genuinely and deeply loves her and wants her to always remember that, especially as she develops a relationship with Christ.
What significant point do you want to make to a loved one, and how do you hope to go about doing it?

Why TV shows and I don't do well

I may have blogged about similar themes before. If so, there's a reason.
It bears repeating.
I tend to get hooked on television shows which contain the following - decent acting, largely unpredictable plots and intelligent writing. There's a trend with most of the ones I've liked over the last decade or so - they get canceled, most of them slightly over (or significantly under) the typical five-year syndication window.
As I sat down to write this post, I got great news! "Scrubs" is coming back on the air!
This is another genre I like - insane comedy with a message. It's one of the reasons I enjoyed "My Name Is Earl." Though the essential format was the same each episode - there's going to be some issue Earl needs to rectify from his list and how they got to the end is what made it interesting.
So, here's hoping the resurrection of "Scrubs" will last.
What types of television shows do you like and do you feel "snakebitten"when your favorite shows go off the air?

In-person interaction

Tonight, I hung out in person with someone I normally don't see face-to-face, but rather, I see him online. He lives less than two and a half miles from here, but it's just how things have worked for both of us.
I got to hear how things have gone for him these past few weeks. I learned what he's been doing and discovered more than I'd known in the online interaction. So what I'm learning is that while online friendships are valuable and certainly worth our time to cultivate, the richness we can find in sharing face time is at least of equal importance and in some ways greater value.
So how to we connect with and communicate with people who are thousands of miles away? Short of driving or flying to where the other person is, we can compensate for this through means such as Skype and Tokbox. Because when we interact with each other, we're completing the picture in an important way. How have you taken your online interaction into the 'real' world?

What does it look like?

Today, for the first time I can remember, we really engaged in worship in our in-person church. It looks though we're in the early stages as a congregation of learning how to yield ourselves to allow the presence of Christ to fully appear in our midst. It's a great place to be. For a few seconds there I wondered if were going to extend our time significantly today. We didn't but the sense that many of us didn't want it to end was tangible.
Without airing laundry, our in-person church has been through it's challenges and struggles and now that it's turning a corner, I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store.
During a portion of this time, I thought of the words of the Twila Paris song "He is No Fool," based on the story of missionary Jim Eliot, who gave his life in efforts to minister to the Auca indians in Ecuador. I started scribbling down the chorus: "He is no fool, if he would choose; to give the things he cannot keep; to buy what he can never lose; to see the treasure in one's soul; that far outshines the brightest gold; he is no fool ... ."
I'm trying to hear from the Lord what this pursuit should look like for me. What does it look like for you?

Weekend warrior

Before I became a parent, it seemed a weekend was loaded with so much extra time to do whatever I felt like, or didn't feel like, doing. Now, it seems like there's so much to think about and do with a little one around. I'm not complaining about the reason I'm a parent in any way, shape or form. We waited for her, sometimes impatiently, to arrive. But parenthood is the phenomenon which has compressed my free time the most in the last four years.
I'm a procrastinator already and it just forces more things to get shoved tomorrow's column. I'm learning how to schedule and juggle things on the weekend and felt pretty good - all things considered about what I got done today. But I try to balance the pressure to get things accomplished in my time off and just enjoy being home with my family.
What do you do to juggle off time with the need to get things accomplished around the house?

Peeling it back

Sometimes it's so easy to look at a circumstance or situation on the surface and think we can lick it. Then, we encounter anything which is challenging related to the details involved and then we realize how much further we have to go. The setbacks can seem impassable, because we see others who either never had the problem at all or found a way to overcome it. It's difficult to see the way forward when you feel trapped in between these two places.
In the long run, I think it is better to go ahead and plunge in and see how tough and disgusting things are and get to the other side in an improved spot.

Finding the balance

We never seem to be able to find that right balance between sleep and doing things we might otherwise spend our time and resources toward. Tonight, I feel asleep before 10 p.m. And that's just the way it went. Sleep; pursuing what we want. Sometimes, we can't proceed without the right amount of sleep, and at other times, doing what seems best is impossible without that sleep.

Glad we're part of this

I've talked about this before here on my blog but my wife is the online experience coordinator for Church Online at LifeChurch.tv.
She typically helps out with the 8 p.m. CDT experience on Tuesday. Yesterday, they had an amazing encounter. I serve at two experiences at other times, one earlier Tuesday and one later Saturday evening, but I've never run into anything like what's described.
Christ's followers are the biggest obstacles people face getting to know Him. While we may never know the outcome of how these people experience Jesus, we know they've been presented truth about Him. Hopefully these planted seeds in these peoples' hearts will develop in something more. But even if it doesn't add up to anything immediate, hopefully they'll think back on their visit and remember the grace of God.

The sleep chronicles, part 99.7

For the first time in I don't know when, I fell asleep on the couch before 9 p.m. It happens a good bit after 9 p.m., but the combination of several nights of less than six hours of sleep and getting up at 5 a.m. probably walloped me. But the nap I took gave me the energy to get some things done before we go to bed for real.
Sleep does all sorts of things for us, and if we don't get it, we function below our capacity, propped up often by caffeine and just going through the motions instead of going full speed.
What are some things you do to make sure you get enough sleep?

Hybrid language

I've been discussing the idea of developing a conversational writing style with some people recently. This is a good idea and I want to work toward it. The trouble is, I'll need to use someone else as a model.
See, I tend to mix a number of styles in my speech, especially when I'm around friends or in other suitably comfortable savings. Instead of explaining it, I'll use an example: "Peace out, y'all!"
I use words which are probably antiquated in some respects and modern or possibly out-of-place in others.
It's how I talk. :)
I'm comfortable with it. It's my "second skin" as a language. I enjoy it and especially where it relates to informal talk, I'll probably stick with it as base of operations.
I'll just be myself and see how it works out.

Is it weird?

In this day and age of Twitter, would our younger selves look at those of us who interact, connect and share on the social media network think we'd lost our minds at what we do?
In the last several weeks, I've watched three live concerts and interacted during these events with others. Like someone mentioned tonight during the Michael W. Smith show, it was as if we were all there together.
Today, my wife talked with a friend three states away about the contents of Rotel. I joined in a group chat about what would your name be if it weren't what you were given.
I'm not down with Homer. Won't ever be.
I've howled with laughter and even shrinked from some of the candor I see. I'm not quite that brave.
Yet.
But I sense connections with people all across North America and individuals who live in Asia, South America and Australia through various means including but not limited to Twitter. Dozens have prayed for me. Some of us have prayed together.
Despite my best intentions and hopes, I may never meet most of them here on Earth. But they've enriched my life in ways they may never quite know.
I hope I've done the same.
I told someone the other day there's some folks in the Pacific Northwest who would probably swing the doors wide and welcome us with open arms if we showed up on their doorsteps, though I'm sure they would appreciate some advanced notice. :) And possibly other parts of the world.
So is it weird that we have all these friends scattered about the globe?
From where I sit? Nope.

A familiar visitor

This morning, as I was getting ready to take Jadyn outside to play, I started feeling feverish and experienced a pain in my left leg, kind of a cramp throughout much of the leg and a dull ache in the hip joint.
This is how most cases of cellulitis in my legs start for me. They used to be just an annoyance I could get over in about a week. But last year, a case in my right leg kept me out of work for several days in September. Another put me down for the count in December in the left leg. These cases resulted in severe skin damage to both legs. The right leg is a long way toward being healed. The left one is improving but isn't there yet.
It appears at this point I've had a minor relapse in the left leg today. I'm taking the appropriate medication and hopefully won't suffer a great deal with this one.
While we have not been able to make a certain direct correlation to diet, nor have I been diagnosed with such, cellulitis is a common problem for diabetics and these infections would occur after I had overdone sugar.
After the last major round of cellulitis in December, I significantly cut back on the amount of sugar I intake. In fact, I've gone several weeks with out it. I loosened up on it a little bit this week and again, though I am not 100 percent certain this is the cause, the correlation is there.
I've added in a lot of wheat bread and will eat it when nothing else is around.
One of the challenges I face is that I don't just eat to sustain myself. I eat when I'm bored, upset, stressed, happy and wanting to celebrate. I know this and have tried to find the ways to just shut it off and stop it. I've not been able to on my own. I get these cellultis reminders so I don't think I've arrived - that's when I usually get in trouble.
I'm not anywhere close to arriving in addressing this issue.
As I got ready for work this morning, I realized that a difference between this year and last is that people on four, possibly five continents will pray for me about this. This is a huge difference and I believe with their help I can conquer this once and for all.
 -----

P.S.: I thought it might be in order to clarify what cellulitis is – It's a skin infection. The fever and joint/muscle pain are early warning signs the infection is on its way, at least in my experience. Once it is actually visible, cellulitis usually manifests itself by causing redness and swelling in the impacted area. At this point, my latest episode is mild compared to the ones which damaged my legs last year.
Here is more information from WebMD regarding the condition.

Memory flashes

Tonight, I've been thinking about people and circumstances long since passed. A person who was a mutual acquaintance of my parents and our next-door neighbor; an old hotel in town which may not even be there now and if it is, it probably isn't the best in the area; the old AM rock station I used to listen to (yeah I said AM rock station) and others I can't recall right now.
I'm not sure what's been sparking this, but I guess it's part of the healing process of helping me remember that even though a great deal of time has passed since my parents died, the world they lived in isn't completely dead, even though it's changed a great deal.
Lord, help us understand the purpose for old memories and let us live out your plan and passion for it.
What old memories to do you have and how much do you wish to understand them?

Winding down

After a productive day, I'm glad to be calling it a night soon. I trust everyone has had  a successful day. What  has God been doing in your heart to prepare you tomorrow and even the next day?

Up late again! :)

And I'm up late again but I've been having fun - learning how to use Google Wave and catching up with some old acquaintances on a message board I visit.
Amanda and I did some assessing/brainstorming tonight about direction, focus, etc. We're getting there, but we've not arrived. A Rush lyric from "Prime Mover" says: "The point of the journey is not to arrive."
We've been living an amazing adventure over the last several weeks and months and are thrilled to be part of it. But we know that if we continue to let the circumstances of our lives dictate outcomes instead of us bringing them under a certain amount of submission, we'll let our time run us instead of the other way around. So, time to take care of few other things, then go to sleep.
Anyone else in the throes of an

Sleep, perchance to sleep

I've got to figure a way to balance things - I'm constantly nodding off after about 9 p.m. these days. I am fighting to stay awake long enough to post this. I know this isn't the way things should be, but I haven't found the balance.
I have to find it for my health and sanity, but until I find time to even out my morning it'll be difficult. For now, I'm going to go to bed a good bit earlier than normal.
Anyone else have trouble finding the right set of circumstances for sleep?

Yesterday's science fiction, today's reality

About 10 days ago, Amanda and I did a video chat with a couple in Sydney, Australia from the comfort of our house – with no real effort other than the click of a mouse. We really enjoyed it and learned a great deal.
I just saw an ad for Ford's Sync system in which the driver asks the system to read a message - it tells him a highway is closed. Earlier, I watched an ad about this from this from OnStar: A system which - under the proper conditions - will give law enforcement and OnStar personnel the ability to disengage the acceleration on a vehicle reported stolen. In promoting the feature, OnStar says it will help reduce "the risks of high-speed pursuits," an announcer says on the video.
So, all of this stuff we'd likely have seen imagined – in some shape or form – in science fiction television shows and films of the past.
We're living in a SciFi (or is it SyFy?) show to some degree in everyday circumstances.
My question tonight is – are we better off for it or worse off?

Force feeding and faith shouldn't mix

This morning, Amanda pointed out that Jadyn tends to steer away from spiritual conversations after noticing one she dodged as we readied her for church.
While we don't want to force feed her about Christ, we do want her to encounter Him for herself and we want to set the right atmosphere this. Amanda mentioned we don't pray enough for this to happen and it's true. Later, I was looking through some books on a dresser in one of our rooms and two caught my eye – "You Have What It Takes" by John Eldredge and "101 Ways to Talk to God" by Dandi Daley Mackall.
I've thought about using some of the approaches Mackall suggests in helping Jadyn learn how to have her own conversations with God. Plus, Eldredge says: "She wants to know: Am I lovely? That's the question every little girl is asking. And she looks to her dad to answer it."
I already try to affirm my love for her and my opinion of her beauty on a regular basis. It's the spritual side which has been lagging, but I know that one day, how she sees her relationship with her earthly father will have a direct correlation to how she views God.
I decided to come up with a plan of action to address this, then went to church.
After church, we went to lunch. We talked about what she learned in her children's church class, and she said it was thankfulness. A friend asked her what she was thankful for and her first answer was Jesus. I was relieved!
This doesn't mean I need to slack off and say no further action is required. But it does warm my heart that she does seem to understand.
A few minutes ago, we just completed a nearly one-hour battle to get her to eat some corn. We ended the stalemate by making her down a forkful.
I'm grateful it doesn't seem like helping her develop her faith in Christ isn't coming to the same conclusion.

Connection without face-time (in most cases)

Over the past year, Amanda and I have gotten to know many people around the United States and a few in other parts of the world through our online connections.
We feel connected to them in some ways more easily and directly sometimes even more than people we've met in person. Why? Because of the conversations we've had on Twitter, e-mail and other forms of electronic communication.
I've been in one particular group of people who share a common background and I feel more comfortable with them than I do with some in-person friends because they are right there with me on this specific issue - they've thought the same things and fought the same battles in their hearts. We are kindred even though we haven't all met in person. We share life and we're as far as 600 miles away.
We've even gotten to know people on the other side of the world and chatted via video or through instant message, just sharing what's on our hearts or minds at the moment.
So, we have family we haven't met in person yet and we're glad to have the bigger, broader definition of family active in our lives.

Oops!

I wasn't doing this for a prize, but I feel asleep on the couch in the late hours of Friday and woke up early Saturday morning fully intending not to go bed without having blogged and it still bugs me that I missed the window. So here I am, backpedaling barely seven days into the month.
This being said, I am attempting to write now with the hope of writing again later in the day to satisfy Saturday's blogging requirement and have that count - somehow! :)
What do you do to try to make up for something when you've missed a deadline or otherwise just plain messed up? Do you try to make it work somehow, just ignore it or find another way to deal or not deal with it?

How daddies can be caregivers too

Have you ever had one of those instant flashes where you knew what was ahead of you and could only just deal with it and not run away? I got one of those Wednesday.
I walked into Jadyn's daycare. She was resting her head on one of the worker's laps.
Not normal.
One cheek was flush red instead of its usual, lighter shade.
Not normal.
They said she'd been running a fever, but couldn't agree on the degree. So I checked at home - 102.9 F/39.4 C.
Not normal.
With the pattern of normality now fully off kilter, I settled into the caregiver role, since Amanda was 10 hours or so away in Oklahoma. I gave her medication to fight the fever and worked to get her to bed.
Several hours I got her to sleep in her bed, she decides to come into where I'm sleeping and we don't stay asleep for long. So, at somewhere around 5 a.m., I'm up and awake this morning and so is Jadyn.
I get her to the doctor and take careful notes regarding his diagnosis so I can report back to Amanda and the daycare center. The diagnosis was ILI (Influenza Like Illness) - through tests and examination, the doctor ruled out strep, pneumonia and flu. Basically, he said she's a normal child with a fever and sore throat.
So, we get some food at McDonald's, clean up the house a bit and then take a nap, awaking to Amanda back in the house!
Sometimes we're faced with situations outside of our comfort zones and elements and we just have to deal and run with that which we're dealt. I did and think I came out on the other end OK. :)
So when have you faced a situation where you've had to do something you're not used to and how did you manage?

Tearing down the walls

Through the past several months, I've noticed something about Twitter.
I've tweeted about this before, but I think it bears repeating: Folks from a wide sampling across the social media service, at least the ones I've encountered, are from different backgrounds.
Race, color, culture and even to some degree gender segregation and body weight lines are largely erased on Twitter. Why? I think it's because the focus is on 140 characters, not other aspects of the person.
I didn't grow up in a house with a strongly vengeful attitude toward black people but one likely shared by many whites who experienced desegregation - white folks generally wanted no part of it.
But my parents did eventually send me to a majority black high school, and I'm the better for it.
Ultimately, the Lord has worked on my heart to where I'm more inclined to find ways to reach out and broaden my horizons than not.
We're not there yet but I see the encounters I have on Twitter and other social media around the world moving us closer - much closer - to fulfilling Galatians 3:28: "There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."
Make it so, Lord, in our lifetimes.
P.S.:
What is your experience with learning how to interact with those who don't look like you?

A Healing Journey - Part III

As I finally got close enough to the community where the cemetery is to tell, I realized the weather would cooperate and I would finally get to do what I needed.
These are the conditions I found at the cemetery, shortly before 1 p.m. Sept. 5 (my parents' graves are in the foreground): So while I must have looked fairly strange to any passersby, I conducted business by getting out my laptop and typing my thoughts.
Here is what I wrote:
----
Mom and Dad,

There's hardly a day which goes by where I don't feel you missing from my life.

As I sit here, I hear what sounds like a band practicing, birds chirping, vehicles going somewhere and life just generally continuing around me.

Yet my life has been stuck – emotionally at least – in two moments in time – one outside of a house in Montgomery where you, Dad, were loaded into a an ambulance and rushed to a hospital. You were probably dead when you got there. I can still see the bag of personal effects they gave Mom; your glasses, your false teeth and probably your wallet were included.

The second was the day 11 years about three hours from now (as I write this) when I unlocked the back door to the house I grew up in and made a mad dash through the house to Mom's bedroom, where I saw someone who'd been gone for several days.

Mom and Dad, I miss you, but I cannot continue to live my life in the past, hung on thse moments of loss and grief. I don't think the Lord intended me to stay in this loop forever, but use these days as milestones on a path of healing.

So, I forgive you Dad, for dying less than 18 hours after we had an argument.

I forgive you Mom, for being the last to go; something for which I thought I would never forgive you.

I'm sorry I fought both of you more than I listened to you. I'm sorry I wasn't as easy to raise as I should have been.

As I feel buried emotions rise to the surface, I can't sit here and say that the only time I'll ever need to do this is today. But I wanted to feel Sept. 5, 1998 all over again, so that I could – somehow – move past it, with healing im my heart, and warm, not frigid, memories in my mind.

I am trusting however, that by the grace of God, this will be the first day of the rest of my life, that I can walk away from here knowing I left something behind. Something I didnt't need. Something I couldn't bear to part with but couldn't carry anymore.

I love you and I know that even though you both sometimes had difficultly showing it emotionally, I know by your provision and concern (I can hear Mom saying on times I was late getting home, "I was about to call the State Troopers.") that you cared.

I trust and hope to see you again in person some day. But for now, I have a family waiting on me who loves and wants to see me. I have, by the grace of God, things yet to accomplish here and hope to live the rest of my life at his good pleasure.

Thank you Jesus for allowing me this time to face what I haven't wanted to for so long. May this day be seen from here forward as a blessing, not a curse. In Jesus' name, Amen.

------

Since this time, I've generally been more determined about what I'm doing and I've been more willing to consider some things about the future which were pretty far out there previously.

But God is good, really, and He is leading us through to the future and I intend to be a different human being after this graveside visit in real, personal and tangible ways.

P.S.: So all this said, do you have a situation in your life you need to confront, but have delayed for years? If so, what is it and what do you hope to do about it?

A Healing Journey - Part II

As I pushed on toward Alabama and wondered if the weather would permit me to reach my destination, this sight greeted me on U.S. 82. It serves as a metaphor for what I sensed the Lord was already doing in my heart and would do more of the same if I'd arrived at the cemetery.
By the time I reached the outskirts of Biringham, Ala., rainy conditions left me concerned I would need to bail on my plan and just head to where I would stay the night.
It's been nearly two months since I took this trip, so I needed to squint at the notes I'd taken along the way and try to piece together my thoughts from scribbled words and questionable letters.
I did and recalled more about the soundtrack it seems God himself picked for me along the way, including "Walking in Memphis," "Heaven," Los Lonely Boys and "Son of a Sailor" by Jimmy Buffet.
As I proceeded, I discovered the weather I'd been concerned would keep me from getting to the graveside not only wouldn't be there, it served as a backdrop for some amazing pictures.

A Healing Journey - Part I

Over the last several weeks, I've wondered if it would ever stop raining.
We've experienced a few dry days interspersed with biblical downpours. The hope is these rains will taper off and we'll return to standard weather patterns.
Nearly two months ago – near the beginning of this damp spell – I set off on a journey, driven to find a relief similar to the one we seek for these recent rainy conditions.
For many years, I've struggled to find a way out from under a blanket of memories and patterns left over from my interaction with my deceased parents. To this day, I find myself twisting and shifting to remove myself from a straitjacket of old patterns and habits constructed for relationships which ended – for this lifetime – at a community cemetery in Alabama.
I haven't been sure this cloud would ever lift.
As the 11th anniversary of my mother's death approached, I realized something a few weeks before the day arrived – this year's anniversary would fall exactly on the date and day of the week she died.
Instead of taking the time to grieve, I chose instead to dive headlong into the circumstances we faced immediately afterward, deferring actual mourning to an undetermined date and leaving these old habits clinging to me like a leftover dryer sheet.
So, as the calendar rolled toward Sept. 5, I realized doing something on this day would be a good chance to gain some distance from these remnants of a life now gone.
I decided to go to the place where it all should have stopped – the graveside.
As I got ready to leave for the cemetery from Mississippi, I had this sense one of the things I'd be attempting to stare down is the fear of loss, a fear which can cripple someone and prevent even the most calculated risks.
I put on “The Extremist” by Joe Satriani as I confronted cloudy conditions on the first few minutes of the ride. This music – with its sweeping motions from charging and electrifying to simple and emotive – provided a great soundtrack for the first leg of the trip.
As I proceeded, I thought about whether the clouds I'd encountered along the way would ever break, or if would be just as bleak or worse if I'd even make it to the cemetery at all.