Keeping it real, Part I

Blogger’s note: My friend Kim recently started a series of posts about being real. I was so struck by her initial post that I thought I would develop my own responses in the blog world. This is the first of at least three intended posts on the subject.
Kim’s blog is: Innocent Lamb.

A ‘Band of Brothers’

"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers. For he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother." – William Shakespeare from “Henry V”

One of my favorite projects developed for mass consumption is the HBO miniseries “Band of Brothers.” It’s an insightful, detailed and graphic look at the men of Easy Company, 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 101st Airborne Division, who fought in some of the critical battles of the European Theater in World War II. I personally think every one should see it. One of the beauties of living in a relatively free society is that we aren’t required to do everything, but I think seeing what these men did will help us appreciate the freedom we do enjoy.
The miniseries is based on the book by the same name by the late historian Stephen Ambrose. Its title, from what I can tell, has its origins in the Shakespeare quote above.
While a majority of the miniseries consists of a dramatic retelling of the stories of Easy Company, several of these real men who experienced both the horror and kinship of warfare share their experiences and feelings openly for our benefit.

Here are some excerpts from what some of the men said above:
Dick Winters – “It’s a very unusual bonding.”
Carwood Lipton – “We knew we could depend on each other, and so we were a close-knit group.”
Donald Malarkey – “Just brave, so brave it was unbelievable.”
Bill Guarnere – “I’m just one part of the big war, that’s all - one little part. And I’m proud to be a part of it. Sometimes it makes me cry.”
Babe Heffron – “The real men, the real heroes are the fellows that are still buried over there and those that come home to be buried.”
Shifty Powers – “Seems like you figured that you thought you could do just about anything. And after the war was over, and you came back out, why, you lost a lot of that, or at least I did. I lost all that confidence.”
John Martin – “Well, you was hoping to stay alive, that’s all.”
Dick Winters (in quoting a letter from a fellow soldier) – “Grandpa? Were you a hero in the war? Grandpa said ‘No, but I served with a company of heroes.’”
Confidence. Bravery. Staying alive. Selflessness. Humility. Unbreakable bonding.
I believe these things have their application for us as believers in the context of a group of believers whose lives are forged together by following Christ’s lead and interacting with each other.
This following video goes to the core of what Kim refers to in her first post about a “band of brothers” as referenced by John Eldredge.

I agree with and embrace the concepts I hear Eldredge relay in this video and in other materials I’ve seen or read of his.
I dare say that this “band of brothers” referred to in the Eldredge video can and should include the fairer sex in the appropriate context.
During a period of time when Amanda and I attended a home church environment, I learned a great deal from a particular female friend of ours who shared her feelings openly with the larger group. Fortunately, this friend continues to teach and challenge me in a positive way when I get to spend time with her.
Knowing that I would have missed out on learning from her that first few times in a larger environment, I long to create and protect the development of such collective sharing.
I certainly understand that there are times when men and women should gather together within gender boundaries to learn from the Lord in a safe environment where hurts, pains and other issues can be addressed on a deep level without any influence from the opposite sex.
But I also know that the Lord can use all of us in a collective environment where we all gather together and help each other walk through life, where men learn from women and women learn from men. I’m not talking about starting a cult or anything crazy like that – just a legitimate, organic collective of people – who honestly may not be friends at first but would eventually be impossible to separate with a crowbar over time – who love the Lord and commit to love each other in spite of each other’s many flaws.
I’ve been privileged to have been in several environments where this kind of sharing between the genders happens and is of no threat to anyone’s marriage, but we are not currently part of anything like this.
I long to return to an environment like this and go even deeper, where two or three couples interact and share with each other on a deep level.
Intimate friendship in the Christian context has its roots in the relationship between Jesus and John, who is referred to as “the disciple whom Jesus loved” on more than one occasion in scripture.
I think this sort of interaction – both at the intimate, four- to six-person level and the creation of a larger group environment - where we can all share and work together openly - will go a long way toward living up to Christ’s words from John 13:34-35:
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Of course, this idea is not to exclude those who are not married, but as with the interaction between married couples, the interaction among singles on the deep level must also be such as not to create inappropriate relationships across the genders.
OK, so where does the reality come into all this?
To go deep, we must be real. To be real, we must feel safe to do so. Confidentiality is a necessary and non-negotiable aspect to this. So is checking a judgmental attitude at the door and letting a person share what is on his or her heart without fear of backlash or ridicule.
Amanda and I recently met a couple who’d walked a very hard road to have a child. We had just talked to them for the first time beyond the introductory level, yet they were so refreshingly open and honest about their circumstances. It was so incredible to meet people who were so real without even being prompted. We both felt magnetically drawn to them.
We know that not everybody operates like this but it just reminded me that I long to be in fellowship with people who don’t give it a second thought to share openly and freely with each other without fear of alienating those with whom we are in contact.
In many cases, this takes time and patience and that’s OK.
I pray the Lord draws together those of us who want to see this kind of “band of brothers” develop and be a permanent structure within our lives.
I envision Christians living in a community – not a physical compound – but a collective gathering of people whose love for each other mirrors that of the natural family but goes beyond that in supporting each other in growing in our faith and living our lives more closely to what Christ envisioned.
To relate these concepts back to the overarching theme of the miniseries and the origin of the term “band of brothers,” it is because of Christ’s shed blood that we even have the foundation for such a collective of believers. And, this fellowship can and should produce the result Christ speaks of in John 15:13-14:
“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.”